obsessive compulsive personality disorder....

So I am taking a class on psychopathology (aka abnormal psych) and last week we did an intensive study on personality disorders. 

This topic is of special interest to me, because my step mom, whom I started living with at the age of 10, has been diagnosed twice with borderline personality disorder. 

One thing my professor has been quite successful at is normalizing the disorders of the psyche.  He so delicately handles these topics and reveals the humanity behind them.  It is sad how the mentally ill have such a stigma over them.  Someone with cancer is seen as sick, dying, and honored as a fighter (as they should be), but someone with a mental illness is often seen as an animal (not a human) that the general population is afraid of. 

One tactic my professor uses to reinstate the humanity of the mentally ill/disordered, is in how he explains personality disorders.  Now, personality disorders are a "soft ware" problem, not a "hard ware" problem.  Meaning, that while disorders like bipolar or schizophrenia have their etiology in the brains actual malfunctioning, a personality disorder is conditioned from repeated childhood trauma.  It is developed at the core of a person, a dysfunctional world view from which the person see's all of life; and as my professor points out, no one  can go through this life and escape some abnormality in their world view. 

Because dysfunction is interwoven in the fabric of our fallen nature, every single one of us will be able to identify with one or several of the personality disorders.  A huge difference between identifying with characteristics of a personality disorder and actually embodying a personality disorder is self awareness and a continuing effort towards change and health. 

So, the disorder I most identify with is "obsessive compulsive personality disorder".  It makes me smile to write it out.  I see so many of these little "characteristics" rearing their little heads in my day to day life.  The understanding of these characteristics are helping me move forward in my change.  There is one characteristic in particular, that is receiving my focused attention for the promotion of relational health.

A common characteristic of the Personality Disorders is a concept called "Splitting".  Splitting happens when we have difficulty seeing the complexity of others.  Usually, the splitting is in the "good" and "bad" catagories.  Someone, or even ourselves, are seen as either all good, or all bad.  In reality, all people have both good and bad, and even in between the two, to offer the world. 

The Splitting that happens in Obsessive Compulsive Personalities is a little different from the rest.  This splitting falls in the "right" and "wrong" categories. 

Boy do I relate.

It's like I am on a conquest for establishing "rightness" and exposing "wrongness".  And until "wrongs" are made "right", I will beat that dead horse into the ground! 

I just posted about forgiveness, and shared my personal struggle with forgiving when someone has "wronged" me, and not made it "right".  :)

This view, that all things are either "right" or "wrong" with no middle ground, is ingrained in me at a core level.   It proves to be a strength on many fronts.  I don't see gray area's in matters of character, service, and obedience to God.  It helps me to lead with clarity.  To make decisions, and to seek truth above all else.  I have no problem admitting fault, because I don't want to be "wrong".  If I'm "wrong" I want to do whatever it takes to migrate into the "right" category. 

Sadly, this view proves to be a weakness in relationships.  Not everyone can handle the intensity of being "wrong".  In fact, that is quite off putting.  Sometimes, people make the decisions they do in the face of extenuating circumstances.  Sure, the fruit of the decision may not be pleasant, but that doesn't make the person "WRONG" for their choice.  Perhaps their "hurting", or "confused", or "immature", or "disillusioned", or any number of things that can cloud someones thinking as they strive to do their very best. 

God desires mercy and not sacrifice.  He came to restore us, to heal the sick, and lead the sinners to righteousness.  I am thankful that his compassion has reached past my "wrong" state of being, and made me "right" by the work of Christ. 
While our position before God is clear in heaven, we are still being perfected here on earth.  We are all still vacillating somewhere in the middle, working out our salvation with fear and trembling.  

I guess, for those of us that struggle to understand another's "wrong", we can work to more clearly understand that the only way to be "right" is through Christ. 

Is there still something in me that  rears up in the face of injustice?   YES. 

But peace comes in knowing that the very injustices that have been committed against me, are no different then the injustices I have committed.