Personal Development

Life has a way of teaching us as we go.  If we are able to be attentive students, our circumstances and relationships will be the best professors we have had to date. 

I am currently pursuing my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy.  They say, that most people come into this field because they themselves have needed it so badly.  Sort of a "ministering with the ministry we have received" type of deal.  I can say this is true of me.  I am sure I will share more of my "untold" stories here as I continue to find resolution and healing, but for now, I will sum it up by saying that I have come from a broken home; I am a product of addiction, divorce and a harmful remarriage.  When I think about what God saved me from, the most predominate issue that comes to mind is lovelessness.  

I could expound here and really I have so much to say about how God took me, adopted me, filled me, and transformed my life.  This theme of God's redemption will be found throughout my entries here, and I am excited to say, that regardless of how hurtful or distressing or frustrating life can be, God is faithful to weave his redemptive story through it all.  As my best friend, Britney Channgur, likes to say, "God never wastes a hurt".  God has not wasted any of my hurts, and I am confident He has led me to pursue this field to continue to use my story of healing and redemption in the lives of others!  Maybe even yours (whomever reads this). 

Right now, I am sad to say that I have a relationship that has gone bad :(.  I know we have all been there, and although I have experienced guilt concerning different ways I have interacted in this friendship, I also have confidence that it is in these "ugly" times that God is teaching us something.  The good and the bad are all apart of the necessary sanctification process.  I am thankful for the kindness of Christ in these times.  He is our advocate even when we don't deserve one.   When the accusations of our enemy are justifiable, Christ puts his neck on the line for us.  God is being honest with me, and showing me area's that need resolution, but he does so gently and He proves that His love is in fact unconditional. It is His love that is motivating my change.  In the past, I tried to change for fear I would loose the love of God, or my relationship with him, or my calling...I am blessed that God is patiently rooting and grounding me in his love.

The fruit of my life in fact has roots in my heart (the very wellspring from which I live).  It just so happens, that in this time where a relationship is turning sour, I am studying in school about Attachment Theory.  Attachment Theory was fathered by John Bowlby, and it explains that every human develops their concept of self and relationships during their first 6 years of life. Basically through our first relationships, that with our mother and father, we are taught if we are valuable and competent, if we are worthy of their attention and care and if they are dependable and worthy of our trust.  The answers to these questions form the foundation from which we see ourselves and how we pursue others and even God. 
This theory is truly fascinating and I have found that as I study it, I am discovering more understanding about myself, my need for healing and Gods good intentions for me.  I am blown away by God's desire for intimacy, and how he hard wired me as a human to need intimacy as well.  In fact, the dysfunctions that happen in that "need for intimacy" create  life's most painful and detrimental experiences. 

In my current dysfunctional relationship I am seeing a behavioral loop that needs to be addressed.  However I am not interested in "behavior modification", as helpful as good actions really are, I want to get to the root of the matter.  I want a pure heart so that I can see God (Matthew 5:8).  I want a well tended heart, full of good soil, so that I can bear fruit up to 100 fold of what has been sown (Luke 8).  I am journeying forward towards love. 

Love covers a multitude of sins.  Praise God.

I want sincere love, that comes from the heart.  The love that the Holy Spirit sheds abroad in us that causes us to cry out, ABBA FATHER!  You see, I have tasted and seen the goodness of God, and I just want more.

You can't have more and also cling to your dysfunctions. 
You can't eat whatever you want and be fit.
You can't have boyfriends and be married.
You can't have the treasure in a field without selling everything first.

All of life is about choices, and choices mean sacrifice.
So in this blog, I'm sharing about my journey of healing and redemption.  I'm actively choosing to trade in my dysfunction for a fuller experience of Christ.

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

That's all for today.
much love.
meghan